i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
