i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
