I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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