i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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