well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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