I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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