That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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