i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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