Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
