yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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