dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
