Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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