it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
