it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
