i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
