I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
