Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
As shirtless as possible
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
