I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize