Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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