I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
