If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
