it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bring me that man meat
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
