your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
