do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
