that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
