i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
