Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
