I think my fart just growled at me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
