im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
