Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
