I'm eating all of the evidence.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
