Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
