This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
