I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize