I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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