if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
