I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
