Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
