...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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