Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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