I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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