sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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