by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
