I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
