She is in my trunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
