I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
