What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
