Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
