Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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