She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
