If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
