she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
