I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
