if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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