I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
