Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
