where am i from again
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
