Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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