Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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