Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize