i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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