It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
