well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
