he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
