On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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