mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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