i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
