She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
