Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
